Book Review: Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave by Ed Welch

Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave: Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel. Edward T. Welch. Phillipsburg: P & R Publishing, 2001.  296 pp.

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Ed Welch is a counselor and faculty member of the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, a Christian counseling and educational ministry located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He holds a M.Div from Biblical Theological Seminary and a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology with a neuro-psychology specialty from the University of Utah. Welch has also authored multiple books dealing with depression and addiction in relation to Biblical Counseling and is a regular contributor to The Journal of Biblical Counseling. Welch’s premise for his books and counseling ministry is that theology is the infrastructure of our lives. In Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave Welch sets out to provide a practical theology on addictions. He proposes that the common understanding of addictions as a disease, which “conveys the idea that these problems have their ultimate cause in the body rather than the soul,” conflicts with biblical teaching and should be rejected., He suggests instead that “addictions are ultimately a disorder of worship” (p. xvi).

Welch divides his book into two parts. Chapters 1 through 4, entitled “Thinking Theologically,” compose the first part of the book. Throughout this section Welch sets forth a biblical theology of addictions grounded in the doctrine of sin. As such he says that “if we are going to be informed by God’s Word” it “is clear and indisputable” that the deepest problem of an addict is sin (p. 21). The addict, Welch argues, makes a choice, conscious or not, to give into their cravings and desires in order to pursue their addiction. Furthermore, he purposes that for the addict “slavery with the object of desire is sometimes preferable to freedom without it” (p. 27). This voluntary slavery is an infection of the heart, which results in idolatry. Specifically, Welch redefines addiction based on his study of Scripture: “Addiction is bondage to the rule of a substance, activity, or state of mind, which then becomes the center of life, defending itself from the truth so that even bad consequences don’t bring repentance, and leading to further estrangement from God (p. 35).”

The second part of Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave, “Essential Theological Themes,” makes up chapters 5 through 12. This section is more practical in nature. These chapters are designed to help the addict or those friends and family members who desire to help a loved one wrestling with addiction break the bondage of their addiction. This is accomplished by finding freedom through the worship of God instead of idolatry of self, pleasure, substances, or other material things.

While Welch does provide a nearly 200 page thorough discussion of addiction as a worship disorder rooted in human sinfulness and idolatry, his argument is largely devoid of grace and rooted in judgment. Springing from the roots of Jay Adams and a nouthetic model of counseling, Welch fails to understand an integrated view of addictions that considers truths found in psychology, as well as theology. While Welch correctly elevates Bible first he fails in that he asserts the Bible only. The psychological communities’ understanding of the disease-model of addictions is not in conflict with the Truths of Scripture and can therefore teach us a great deal about the struggle of addiction. The understanding that “slavery with the object of desire is sometimes preferable to freedom without it” is incomplete and often erroneous. For the addict the categorical qualifier for addiction is that in the face of repeated undesirable consequences (i.e. loss of family) the “behavior” does not/cannot be stopped. While it is true that addiction does begin with a conscious choice to abuse drugs/alcohol, at some point, as supported by scientific research, chemical and metabolic changes do occur in the brain that turn abuse into a compulsive and chronic disease: addiction. While the premise of Welch’s book is incomplete he does provide some helpful tools, particularly in the second half of the book, for recovery. For example, He directs and encourages the individual in his/her efforts to strengthen dependence on God. For, it is not in the absence of sin that the addict will find freedom but in their dependence upon God.

Relationship: An Ingredient for Growth and Healing

“The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation.”  – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Often times when people are asked about their counseling experience and why it was or was not helpful they don’t cite the use of particular theories, methods, or techniques employed by their therapist but they speak of the relationship they shared with their counselor. They speak of being understood, encouraged, challenged, and accepted in the midst of their messiness. They speak of the transformative aspect of relationship, which they claim is because of the way they related to their counselor and the way their counselor related to them…they speak of the interpersonal process. Why is this? I would suggest that this is because, ultimately, God intends for change and growth to take place as people interact with one another in rich, authentic relationship.

Put bluntly and simplistically, I could say: The reality is, we didn’t become a hot mess on our own. We became a hot mess as we interacted with others and as a result tried the best we knew how not to feel pain and vulnerability again. So, it only makes sense that working through that brokenness, which resulted in many hurts, habits, and hang-ups, with another human being (in relationship…in community) is the key to change. In counseling language we refer to this concept as attachment and bonding or the corrective emotional experience, for example.

Fleshed out theologically, I would say: Ultimately, the entrance of sin into the world resulted in brokenness of relationship – with God and with others (Rom. 5:10; Eph. 2:12; Col. 1:21). Therefore, it only makes sense that change, healing of brokenness and pain, best occurs within the context of what was once broken. This occurs on multiple levels. Most significantly, this occurs through restoration of relationship between God and humanity. This happens when we trust in God’s intimate, personal, and costly solution to our sin problem – namely, Christ’s atoning sacrifice (resulting in forgiveness of sin) through death on the cross (John 1:14; Phil. 2:6-8; Heb. 9:11-14).

Additionally, Christ’s work also sets the stage for authentic person-to-person reconciliation. The gift of the gospel is that God intends for it to be practical, so that through the picture of God’s restoring himself to us we might learn to model the characteristics of God the Father and God the Son as Christ hung on the tree. And, in doing so we might free ourselves, and others, to experience restoration from brokenness through a healing relationship with another human being. In essence, reflecting something of God’s relationship to us. Perhaps Mark McMinn, author of Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling, is most poignant in his thoughts on the subject. He proposes,

Counseling, when practiced by those who respect brokenness as a part of healing, is a reflection of redemption. Those who enter therapy in the midst of their pain experience a restorative counseling relationship that brings acceptance, hope, and meaning into their broken lives. In this sense, counseling mimics the gospel – people are broken, and broken people are restored in the context of a healing relationship (p. 20).

Interestingly, what the world’s discipline of psychology has found to be true is really just a repackaged presentation of what we learn in scripture, that there is something intrinsically valuable, fundamentally human, about the transformative nature of and need for relationship.

An understanding of what Scripture says about who God is, about our human nature, and about the incarnation (God’s becoming human) of Christ further helps me unpack this idea. Scripture reveals that God lives in eternal community – God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit – and that we are made in His likeness (Gal. 1:26). So, how much more must we then crave authentic, caring, and loving relationship? God Himself does not live in isolation, but exists in relationship. He is relational and created a relational universe. That is, to be relational is to be human. It is a fundamental part of our makeup, an ingredient for growth and change. In fact, this fundamental aspect of our nature, this need for relationship, showed up in Jesus during his time on earth. The story presented in the gospels shows that he unwaveringly lived in rich, authentic relationship with the 12 disciples. In the midst of his full humanity Jesus reflected our basic relational need, not just for God but for others as well. In such a way he provided an example of what this looks like for us. To remain isolated, apart from either relationship, leaves us incomplete.

Perhaps Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35 best sums up this idea of relational trust, which sets the stage for lasting, transformative growth and healing: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” The gospel is practical. It provides a picture of a restorative relationship, one that leaves us ripe for change. One that we are called to imitate as we pursue growth and healing of our brokenness and pain. Ultimately, it reveals that God’s view for the foundation of change is that it happens in the midst of relational arenas.

How are your relationships influencing your brokenness today?  Where are you experiencing healing as you seek restoration through relationship?  How is your isolation creating more pain, brokenness, and hiding?  Who are you willing to invite into the muck and the mess?

Questions, topic Suggestions?

Hi All!

Thank you for taking a peek at my blog. Do you have questions related to counseling and psychotherapy or topics to suggest for posts? If so, ask and suggest away!

Thank you!
Kim

“Shoulding” all over ourselves…What we do with SHAME

Shame. Its a five letter word no one wants to talk about or deal with, yet its one I find myself talking about (or dancing around) over and over each week…simply because of the ways not talking about it has played out in people’s lives. Usually it comes about being discussed in my office because of the way people “should” all over themselves in session.

Isn’t that what we do with shame? We “should” all over ourselves….I should lose 5 pounds…I should do something more productive…I shouldn’t be telling that person “no”…I should have told that person “no”…I shouldn’t eat so many M&Ms…I probably should have done that yesterday……I should be good enough to…I should be everything to everyone at all times…I SHOULD BE BETTER…BE PERFECT…BE WORTHY!

The “tyranny of the shoulds,” ruled by an unrealistic view of what one should do and be, stems from an effort to motivate oneself through guilt and shame. Ironically, it only serves to perpetuate the very cycle of guilt and shame that we despise and that wounds us so. When directed towards others (i.e. “they should  ______(insert some expectation we have of others in order to fulfill our needs)_____ ) it leaves us feeling angry, frustrated, and resentful. When directed towards ourselves, because this ideal is unattainable, it does the same; although, often times this anger is turned inward, resulting in, for instance, anxiety, depression, and other distressing symptoms. Albert Ellis, the grandfather of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, considered this “tyranny of the shoulds” an irrational belief.

Shame is unique in the way it attacks us at our core. While guilt says, “what I did is bad,” the crux of shame says, “I am bad.” It causes us to run and hide behind our hurts, habits, and hang-ups. It causes us to reach for our go to, comfortable emotions (which for me is anger, by the way). I like anger, it gives me the gift of strength in my effort to fight the shame. The problem is, alone, this weapon is never enough because it doesn’t encourage me to examine what is really going on with me or to combat that internal dialogue with Truth. You see, shame’s ultimate message is, “I’m unacceptable.” It means something is wrong with me at the deepest level of my identity.

We first see shame in the garden in Genesis 3, right after Adam and Eve ate the apple. Two people who formally knew no shame all of a sudden only know to hide. Genesis 3:7-10 says,

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”

This is the result of shame…to hide. This is what we do with that tape that plays in the recesses of our minds that says, “I’m unacceptable. There is something wrong with me.” We hide from each other and we hide try to hide from God…a cycle which always leads to more fear, more shame, and more hiding…covering up, running, and sinful/distressing solutions and strategies.

We all hide, attempting to cope with or work out our shame the best way we know how, in our own unique and individualized ways. We use humor, pride, sex, our intelligence, busyness, materialism and things. We hide by playing the victim or the hero. By being overweight or thin, with alcohol or drugs, behind our ability to perform in the world, or by trying to control others. Most of us hide behind the guise of “I’m f.i.n.e.” (which is really just an acronym for feelings inside not expressed, by the way).

Ultimately, we hide in an effort to prevent people from knowing our secret, that there is something wrong with us…that we are broken. Ironically, revealing our secret, the very thing we fear the most, is the very thing that begins to set us free from the grip and lies of shame. Healing happens as we begin to bring darkness to life, bring what’s hidden into the open, and combat the lies of our irrational beliefs with truth. Sometimes this is done in the counseling office, other times its done as you live authentically in your relationships with others. Either way, it’s always done best in the context of relationship.

What lies are you ready to combat today and who are you willing to combat them with? Will you show yourself compassion as you wrestle through the process of change?

♪♫ “Feelings…trying to forget my feelings…”♪♫

Try a little exercise: Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” and scribble your response on a scrap of paper somewhere. What was your response? Were you able to identify what’s going on with you emotionally by putting a feeling word to it? Or, did you respond with something like, “I feel hungry” or “I feel tired?” Were you able to own it or did you say something along the lines of “I think I feel…” or “I feel like I … know how to identify my emotions?”

What I’ve found is that most of us spend a great deal of time and exert a great deal of energy trying not to feel. As a result, most of the time, we have no idea what we’re feeling. We are literally unable to identify and label what’s going on with us emotionally. It sounds a little silly, but often times its very true.

In most cases we do this because somewhere down the line we were taught that there are good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable feelings. So, when we start to notice that those “bad and unacceptable” feelings are rearing their ugly heads we run in what we believe to be the opposite direction. Sometimes the running is obvious, involving things like addiction, self-harm, fits of rage, or overly controlling behaviors. Other times the running isn’t so obvious, resulting in, for example, a striving for perfectionism, people pleasing (an all too often over-valued/celebrated personality trait in Christian circles, by the way), depression and anxiety, or food and body image struggles. Ultimately, all this running serves as an attempt to medicate those unwanted, bad, and unacceptable feelings.

There is a quote I love. I don’t remember where it’s from, but it poses a question and answer I believe to be absolutely true. It says,“How do you create an addict child? You teach them not to feel their feelings…” The reality is that mom and dad didn’t have a meeting before you were born and say, “Ok, so we’re in agreement? We’re going to teach Sally and Johnny not to feel, right?” Instead, it happened unintentionally when Sally came home crying from school because David called her four eyes and mom said, with absolutely good intentions, “Oh honey, don’t feel that way…” or when dad comforted little Johnny after he scraped his knee and said, “Chin up, son, big boys don’t cry.” And, it happened again, for example, when mom or dad blew up and everyone else learned to run to their rooms for cover. In each of these instances, what was communicated was that some emotion was not OK, was unsafe, couldn’t be trusted, was unacceptable, and therefore, bad. The result was avoidance of emotion until they began to snowball and come out sideways.

I’d like to propose a new way of thinking…what if feelings were just feelings? What if they weren’t so terrifying? What if instead of going, “Crap, I’m feeling something again” (enter snowball of anxiety) your response was “How like me to have an emotion!”? What if feelings were just part of life and not something merely to be survived?

What are Feelings Anyway?

Feelings are reactions you have to things that happen in the world around you. These reactions serve to influence what we believe about ourselves and the world (…which in turn lead to more feelings). The truth is, the better you become at identifying your feelings, the more you’ll learn about yourself.

Because feelings are sometimes hard to spot, come in layers, and are multifaceted I like to refer to what I call the primary colors of emotions to help people begin to name what’s going on with them emotionally.

I’ve found that using these seven words helps people get back to the basics, get down to the nitty-gritty, and breaks up the confusion. In fact, they are the words I was taught to use as I learned to identify my feelings. (p.s. I’ve yet to graduate from the primary colors when it comes to emotion.)

The second part of the above quote says, “… Instead, help kids learn how to validate their feelings, not medicate them. Then, tie them with truth.” This, I believe, is a constant, but foundational part of the counseling process. As a counselor I get the privilege of helping people learn how to identify, express, and validate their emotions and then I get to help them tie their emotions to truth.

What Does Scripture Say About Feelings?

I agree with Cloud and Townsend in their book Boundaries that feelings have gotten a bad rap in Christian circles. While its true that Scripture warns against letting your emotions take over so much that you’re ruled by them, it also provides many examples of how feelings play a large role in influencing our motivation and behavior. As such, Scripture shows that feelings should not be dealt with at either extreme, neither being ignored nor placed in charge. Both the story of the Good Samaritan (Lk. 10:33) and the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son (Lk. 15:20) provide examples of how one’s emotions motivate them towards good. In the former story, the Samaritan’s feelings of sadness over the injured Israelite’s plight moved him to take action. In the latter, the father’s pain over his lost son and then his joy over his return moved him to forgiveness and to welcome him with open arms.

A deeper understanding of the person of Jesus also reveals a lot about what Scripture has to say about feelings. Christ, who the Bible tells us is perfect and without sin (Jn. 8:46; 2Cor. 5:21; Heb. 4:15; 1Pe. 3:18), was fully human. This means he possessed a human body, soul, and spirit and demonstrated the characteristics of a human being. For instance, he experienced hunger (Mt. 21:18), fatigue (Jn. 4:6), and suffering (Lk. 22:43-44). He also possessed and expressed a full range of emotions just as we do. He felt, for example, pain and sorrow (Lk. 19:41; Mt. 26:37), joy (John 15:11), anger (Mk. 3:5), and loneliness (Mt. 27:46; Mk 15:34). For Jesus, feelings were just feelings. They weren’t overwhelming or terrifying but were merely part of being human. They were felt and acknowledged. In therapeutic terms, they were “owned.”

In such a way, it seems that Scripture models and affirms this therapeutic model of how to view and handle emotions, charging believers to rule over their feelings instead of allowing their feelings to rule them. In essence, it calls people to validate their feelings, to feel them, instead of running from and medicating them. We must take responsibility for our feelings and the state of our hearts so that we can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.